he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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