Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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