we're blogging at a bar
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
