I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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