he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
