Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
sarcasm needs its own font
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
