Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
