After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
How's work?
Spinning.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
