Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
