whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize