I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
