she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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