all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
