if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
