eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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