When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
