I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
