yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
