perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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