Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
