He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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