can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
