it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize
