I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
