Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Randomize
