Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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