My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
