I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
