you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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