i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Randomize
