Umm I'm too high to move.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
