I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
