I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
