Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
