Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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