Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
