not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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