I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
