I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
