Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Randomize
