wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
This baby is an asshole
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
