Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
