You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
