my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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