Duck Duck Cougar?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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