shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
