I'm eating all of the evidence.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
