people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
