She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
