guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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