Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
