Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
