she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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