I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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