i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
